His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize