I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
50% drunk capacity currently
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
