ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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