i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
"it" just moved
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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