i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
