I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she told me i tasted like america
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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