I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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