i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
