We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
