Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
