I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
