you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
