I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My life is pants optional.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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