I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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