Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize