Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
