If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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