proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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