as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
