Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
