Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
