You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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