who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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