I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
