My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
