fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
