I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
