I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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