i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize