i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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