The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
