Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
