just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
