i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
