she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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