barbara walters just said penis...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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