Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize