You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
