At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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