Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
