I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
