I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Two words: blizzard sex
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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