Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
