fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
