Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
