Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
