The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
