Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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