Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Everclear isn't food dammit
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
