Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
