just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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