they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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