Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
