I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
