i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
