Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
