Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
