Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
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