Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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