I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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