the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
