shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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