So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
