wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
