her facebook's as public as her vagina
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
