Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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