Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
