I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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