His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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