So drunk, too bad you don't want this
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
