We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize