the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
