go do what you do best...puke behind churches
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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