We won't sleep together?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
