How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize